Conner4Real vs. The Cleveland Clowns
Winner: The Cleveland Clowns
Reason: A mix of injuries and bad drafting decisions has left Connor4real’s roster bereft of enough skill to win this week. He’s going to need big touchdowns from Justin Jackson and Scary Terry to stay competitive against a good team like the Clowns. If Shepard, Brown and Hopkins are limited/don’t play it could open up the door for Connor.
Antonios Helmet Services LLC vs. Tig Ol' Bitties
Winner: Antonios Helmet Services LLC
Reason: I don’t know if Tig Ol’ Bitties has a second running back nor do I know if they will ever have a chance to get a second win this season. Nothing is hopeless this early on in the season but this franchise is super close to 2019 Dolphins bad right now. On the bright side Mark Andrews might not play and Carson Wentz might literally have a glass torso, arms and legs so hope for injuries if you want Tig Ol’ BItties to win.
Chubbarumba vs. Fournette's Syndrome
Winner: Chubbarumba
Reason: As long as Chubb is playing without Hunt he’ll be a great start. Combine that with my newfound love of Marlon Mack and I’m happy to pick Chubbarumba to win. It will be interesting to see who scores more this week between Micole Hardman and Sammy Watkins. There isn’t an easy answer. I’m down on both of these team’s tight ends for the opposite but similar reasoning. See if you can figure out my super complex Tolkienesque riddle. Fournette can give Fournette's Syndrome a big boost on Thursday if he scores a few TDs. If that happens then the game will be a lot closer than I anticipated.
Hey Darnold vs. Odells Kitchen
Winner: Odells Kitchen
Reason: Love Odells Kitchen’s QB matchups this week, both guys are ganna eat the W. Even if they don’t pick up a kicker I’m still siding with Odells, not that Hey Darnold has a bad team or anything it’s just hard to ague with the talent/matchups that Odells has this week. I’m even considering the defenses in this matchup since New England is going to eat Luke Falk like shrimp fried rice.
Ur addicted to toothpaste vs. The Gurley Show
Winner: The Gurley Show
Reason: Putting your trust in the Jaguars on Thursday against the Titans is a bold move. I really want to give this big dick energy points but I won’t and I can’t. While guys like Ekleer, DK and Conner have impressed me this year so far it’s just not enough to take down a fully armed and operational Gurley Show lineup. Good luck putting your hopes in the hopeless.
Mr Jones and Me vs. Alvin and the Chipmonks
Winner: Mr Jones and Me
Reason: Alvin and Chipmonks has taken a big L this week in terms of injuries. OJ Howard might not be breaking out and Derek Carr just got done playing a bad defense and now has to face one of the best in the league. It’s going to be an uphill battle for Alvin if there even is a battle to be fought. Mr. Jones and Me just needs to start Daniel Jones and bench Cam possibly for the rest of the season.
Overall record: 9-3