The annual Bacon Games predictions for each team in the league. Good luck and let God have mercy on your souls (I am your God now).
Smokin LeGarrett Blunts
First three picks were fine. Davante Adams at 11 is good value and Thielen at 36 is perdy great when he has easy top 10 upside. CEH I think went a bit too early but getting a guy who basically owns the backfield is paramount early on in the draft. HATE the Melvin Gordon pick next tho. That def drags the team down. I like Keenan Allen at 59 but the next 3 picks are all RBs in tandem backfields that I kinda hate except for Hunt. 49ers defense at 110 is terrible, fucking terrible. They are probs not going to even be a top 10 defense this year. Kicker in the 11th hurts me even more. Do I have to go on here? The team finally got a QB in the 12th round and it’s Jimmy G. Who is this guy throwing to again this year? No one, maybe Dante Pettis? As for the rest of the draft I like Justin Jackson as a flyer and Goedert has easy top 10 upside. MIN DST as a last pick seems unnecessary.
Final thoughts: Good start, meh middle, terrible end.
Draft Grade: C
Record Predictions: 3-10
My Ball Zach Ertz
First three picks are good. Drake is probs good value at 18 but I’m way more interested in him later. I don’t like AJ Brown that early in a two QB league but the team made up for it by taking Lockett in the 5th. Cam Akers is a strong no from me at 66. Swift at 79 is better than his ADP so that works but 100% DET is going to have a split backfield. I like taking Kerryon later tbh. Montgomery at 90 is almost highway robbery since I think he can be back easily by week 2. If he’s out for a month it would probably still be worth it tbh. BUT then we run into the real problem with this team. Joe Burrow in the 11th is fine but no other QBs is terrible. Baltimore is the best defense but 114 is too early for any defense. I like Aiyuk later on in the draft but the rest of the bench and the flyers are kinda trash. So yea this isn’t a very good team.
Final thoughts: Similar to the above, need more QB and a stronger finish.
Draft Grade: C
Record Predictions: 4-9
Kicker Lives Matter
By far the most cringey name Jake has had in his long history of cringy names. First three picks are fine, that seems to be a trend hmmmmm. Chris Carson maybe a bit too early with Hyde & Penny there and no long term deal for Carson but I wouldn’t bet on either of those scrubs. Matt Ryan not a guy I really want to take in the 5th but again this is fine. Boyd in the 6th is fine but I worry that WR is super crowded in CIN and I love Tee Higgins to be way more involved than any other WR last year. Higbee was a great 9th round pick, although he’s being ranked too high by most imo. Rock is a good guy to get in a very split backfield in Jacksonville (he’s my fav to win the job this year). Hate the Gronk pick but at 148 it’s going to hurt less when you have to drop him. Love Dillion, Ruggs and Mike Williams as bench players/flyers. Less excited about Tyrod, Beasley and the Chiefs DST but this is a solid team.
Final thoughts: This is an average team managed by a good owner. (Could be dangerous)
Draft Grade: B
Record Predictions: 7-6 (Playoffs)
TEBOW TIME
Hard to argue with Mccaffery at 1 but I’ll do it anyway. He isn’t very good around at running the ball inside the 5. There I said it. Love Golladay as the team’s top WR but less so Conner at 25. I get you gatta reach for guys you want when you pick back to back. Love DK (semi-convinced he’ll be a top 20 pick next year) hate Taylor (Marlon Mack still there). Wentz and Stafford are a good combo if they can both stay healthy. Diontae Johnson is a guy I want a piece of because if Ben stays healthy (A BIG IF) there will be 100% be two WR that benefit (juju is the other obvi). I’d keep an eye out for Chase Claypool tho. Sans Deebo Samuel; Preston Williams, Gesicki, Lazard and Josh Kelly are all great picks. Duke is fine for 168th (I think he’ll be used in the slot when Cobb is hurt/ they might line up together alot). Hate Campbell, no one else will be catching balls in Indy except Hilton, Doyle and Pittman OK buddy? Love the Rams defense, Jalen is still lockdown, just worry the division will have a lot of good offensive talent in it tho.
Final thoughts: QBs might be a little weak, which could really hamper a very good team otherwise. Would have liked it if this team took another TE to spell Gesicki just in case.
Draft Grade: B-
Record Predictions: 6-7
More Groupies for Dukey
Hate the first two picks, hate em’. Would not have followed up on the aforementioned terrible decisions with a QB even if it is Wilson. Team gets kinda back on track with Kupp and Marquise Brown but they get derailed their season with the selection of Will “I only play 9 games a year” Fuller. Rodgers at 80th is fine. Finally we get some picks I’m into with Marvin Jones and Anthony Miller (def like Miller more). Tevin Coleman good, DeSean Jackson bad. Justin Jefferson good, Boston Scott even better, Nick Foles bad, Jimmy Graham even worse. Broncos DST is a good pick and at least you get Mitch to secure the supremely coveted Bears QB room.
Final thoughts: Normally I simp for Matt Knerr teams but not this year. I have significant problems with the early part of the draft, the middle is fine (except Will Fuller) and the end has a lot of hit or miss guys.
Draft grade: C+
Record Predictions: 5-8
Quon Solo
Really like the first six picks (Brady went too early but I still think he’s a stud so it’s fine to buy at his ceiling ish). Slayton went wayyyy too early and people seem to be more high on Daniel Jones than I but I’m willing to take the “L” on that. LOOOVEEE Sony + Kerryon in the 9th and the 10th. Cook is lame but at 132 it’s good value, the Steelers DST went to early, and Darnold is cringe at 156 (I guess he’ll have plenty of opportunities to see ghosts again this year with that defense). I would like to comment on the rest of the picks but I’m blinded by the seething rage of seeing a team take not only a kicker taken at 157 BUTTTT TWO FUCKING KICKERS IN THE DRAFT. ONE BILLION TRILLION YEARS DUNGEON.
Final thoughts: I can’t believe the team that was so based in rounds 1-10 drafted two goddamn kickers.
Draft Grade: F—————————-
Record Predictions: 7-6 (Playoffs)
Plz let me win
First two picks are great. Second two are fine maybe even very good if Ertz can get upwards of 130 targets again. I like TY at 58. Josh Allen has a very solid floor because of his legs but I worry Ben won’t finish the season because of his injury history and his statements every offseason. Cohen and Murray are fine, especially if you start Cohen early while Montgomery is hurt. Two rookie WR were taken next, I’ll let you figure out which guy I like and which one I’m super down on. (Hint one of them I don’t think is very talented per some articles I’ve written). Mattison is a fine backup, you know the deal. The rest of the picks are very meh. What is Stills like the 5th WR on the team? Hines is like the 8th best position player on that offense. Tua is probs my favorite guy on this team since the 10th pick.
Final thoughts: This seems like a league average team, yea that’s about right.
Draft Grade:B-
Record Predictions: 6-7
Prince of Helaire
Strong start with the first 4 picks. Then Rojo at 50 was earlier than I would have considered even before Lenny went to TB but with that happening it is obvi a way worse pick. Parker I just am not going to buy into him until he proves it for more than a year but at 71 it’s not super risky. Love Cooks at 74. So Lenny over here at 95 is nice, kinda lucked into the Buccs backfield (think it’s ganna be really nice with Lenny as the sole guy). People seem to love Gibson and in round 10 that’s probs a steal but I’m more interested in Bryce Love at his ADP. Still a very good pick. Love Newton at 122 even in a 1QB league as a backup. Pitman is a great late round addition but Jeffery is starting on the PUP and Arcega-Whiteside is a better player. Carr is a good backup QB too and I love Ian Thomas as long as he’s healthy to start the year. Colts D is bad but maybe in a bad offensive division? I’m not a fan. Freeman is a good hold for at least 1 or two weeks but after that I think he loses most value.
Final thoughts: I like the QBs and the early round picks really solidify this team.
Draft Grade: B+
Record Predictions: 9-4 (playoffs)
Warriors30
This team is trash, let’s move on. Nahhh jk I like the first 5 picks (Dak is maybe a little early but god the rest of the team is so good). Mosert is a bad pick, I like Tevin Coleman better as just a player. Lamb maybe went a little early at 94 but I don’t hate it, same for Kirk. Emmanuel Sanders is getting so disrespected in drafts this year anytime you can grab him after pick 90 it’s a steal. Curtis Samuel is the 4th best receiving option on his team, so take that in whatever way you want. Kicker in round 13 is mega cringe But Harry, Jarwin and Cobb all in a row is what I like to see. Freeman and Jamal Williams are great picks because they are such bad players that it’s super easy to cut them week one for the top waiver wire talent. I am comedy.
Final thoughts: A good team for sure, George is such a wild card as an owner tho. Wish the WR group was better to. I’m riding with it.
Draft Grade: B
Record Predictions: 7-6 (playoffs)
The Cleveland Clowns
Damn, Colin coming out hot with the consensus top 2 QBs. I like Lamar at 9 but Mahomes at 16 is a big no thanks from me. Gurley and Lev Bell are great follow ups. Courtland Sutton is a fine WR 1 although I would have rather gone with someone like TY, Allen or Diggs but that’s fine. Waller in the 6th is fine, maye even good. I don’t like AJ Green, too fragile for the 81st pick in an actually crowded WR group. Edelman is going to be a sneaky good in any ppr leagues, good value at 88. Lindsay is great in round 9. Golden Tate is probably the 2nd best WR on the team but will finish as the top Giants WR in FF. +1 letter grade for drafting Kirk as the backup. Don’t really love the last 5 picks but the starting 12 are really good.
Final thoughts: Really solid starting group but will it be enough? Certainly a risk with the QBs as they are.
Draft Grade: B+
Record Predictions: 8-5 (playoffs)
God Hates Jags
Like the first 3 picks a lot. (Eckler not as much as the others). David Johnson at 44 is a little early in a two QB league. I hate Ridley at his adp this year, so terrible pick. Landry ez at 68. Engram cucked me last year so I hate him but really as much as I like him he has a lot of upside and a lot of injury history. Mack and Shepard are good selections with their own risk. Goff is a good pick but Tanny went to early. Hardman and Fant probably went too late in this draft so more good selections coming down. Fitz is too old, get him out of here. LAC without Derwin are such worse so now this is a bad selection.
Final thoughts: Like a lot of the picks but dislike a good amount of them too. I think the owner will figure it out.
Draft Grade: B
Record Predictions: 7-6 (playoffs)
Connor4Real
Best team out here, fuck the haters.
Draft Grade: A-
Record Predictions: 9-4 (playoffs)
Playoffs
Connor4Real
God Hates Jags
The Cleveland Clowns
Warriors30
Prince of Helaire
Quon Solo
Championship
Prince of Helaire vs. The Cleveland Clowns
Winner: Prince of Helaire