Marianne Williamsons, Hwoman
Where to start here, lets just go with the beginning. Josh Allen in the 2nd round makes me wanna puke, he sounds and is disgusting for that price. Aaron Jones is not even be the best running back on the team. Gabe Davis, Elijah Moore and Skyy Moore will certainly be an interesting circus, have fun figuring out when to start any of them! There isn’t much to say about the rest of the team because they are all droppable and probably shouldn’t be rostered for more than a week or two. Good job planning ahead!
Waddle baby Waddle baby Waddle baby Waddle
QB early? more like early exit from the playoffs? amiright? My favorite part about the Bears backfield is taking the 1B, or probably the 1A, 50 picks later than Herbert, sorry not sorry. Mostert’s a waste of pick esp when you can (and did) get the better back later on, waste of a roster spot. The combination of Higbee and Musgrave will be lucky to eak out 5 TDs, its not ganna be fun figuring out when to start either.
Da Blochinators
I think the autodraft had better picks than the human, giga-yikes. Honestly I don’t remember which is which but I’m ganna roast the picks either way. Watkins and Akers back to back makes my physically Ill. At least they both have in common one thing; they both had double the amount of bad games as they did good ones last year! And they are super injury prone and they arn’t even the best players at their position on their respective teams. Maybe they are just the perfect coupling <3. Njoku bad + Watson never targets TEs + he’s like the 5th option on the team + L. if you swapped DPJ and Njoku I’d have more respect for this draft. Always love to see when someone takes a chance on an old and broken vet that no one really wants from AJ Green to Julio Jones it always works out really well.
Rum Ham
Jamaal Williams ADP: 95, Drafted: 23
Dalvin Cook ADP: 65, Drafted: 30
Leonard Fournette ADP: 239 JFC, Drafted: 75
Cole Kmet ADP: 133, Drafted: 82
I could go hard on how Perrine will be lucky to get 400 yards and 3 TDs and how Zay Jones is by far the 5th best option on the team and how much of a waste of a pick Juwan Johnson was but I’ll hold my tongue.
Zombie Jonathans
Travis Etienne is not worth the 31st overall pick not no way not no how. He is losing all the GL work to Tank because he’s so fucking small and soft. Bro can’t even catch and is a disaster in pass blocking so have fun with the 2 to 3 red a game (if lucky) as designed screens when they are ganna much prefer giving Trevor the option to throw to actually good players like Ridley, Kirk and Engram (yes Engram is good). Mike Williams just got his clone drafted by the Chargers in the first round so forgive me for not being high on this pick at all. Tyler Boyd and KJ Osborn are waste of rosters spots in 10 team leagues so at least you have your first two wavier wire drops ready to go! Nico Collins shouldn’t be drafted 40 picks higher than every other WR on HOU. It’s insane to me.
Seto Kaiba
Are you sure DJ Moore finally has an upgrade at Qb, are you sure? you sure about that.meme. Whatever gets you to sleep good at night but by midseason you’re nightmares will be full of regret. Nice job drafting Fields early when you could have had Herbert 2 rounds later, you fuckin retard. Have fun with Godwin catching balls from Baker and you just know they wont turn to Trask until like week 7 when Godwins been riding your bench for a month. You waiting too long for TE and you were punished. Dumbfuck. Aaron Rodgers when you took a QB in the 5th and you dropped him for a kicker, worst pick of the draft. I think you should leave. This team has about as much of a chance to make the playoffs as you do convincing woman at the bar you’re actually 5ft6.
Behind the Steel Curtain
The smart thing to do in the first round would be to not draft a glass cannon but you did and you will be punished for it. Why take Hock when you could have gotten Kittle, Pitts 2 rounds later or Waller a round later, thats some big-brain dumbfuckery. Big betting on DEN this year? Good job picking the injured guys I’m sure there is no troubling history there, proud of you. Ur also a cuck for taking Spears and Bigsby away from me. Kenny Pickett is so ew, why?
Uncle Murda
I don’t care which QB you take in round two it will always be a cringe play. When Brock Purdy regresses to a pumpkin have fun with 800 yards and 6 TDs in the 3rd round! Why draft Walker in the 4th when you get the better RB in the 100s? I like how you have more confidence in a franchise that so distrusts their RB that they take another one in the second round this year and Geno Smith is their current QB LMAO. I’m sure there is no precedent for drafting an aging WR going to a new team when there didn’t seem to be a big bidding war and I’m sure it’s never happened on the Titans, nope not ever. Man you really like SF, glad you got the 8th best option in the 10th round. Chig will be lucky to be fantasy relevant for even a week before you end up having to cut him but at least you waited on TE… oh wait….
Jon Cole’s Holes
I’m sorry what I’m about to do to Jon Cole’s holes. Actually no I’m not. Adams would have been a great pick, on a bad team that will throw the ball a lot, ultra talented WR. Too bad his QB is Jimmy Noodle Arm Garoppolo and the other two WRs fit the scheme way more than Adams. If he gets traded you’ll be thankful the Raiders saved you from disaster. Keenan Allen is 31 years old and is hurt more often than me in my 30s. 3rd option at best, not worth the 44th overall pick. James Cook is not only a bad player, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a cut candidate by week 5. Harris is so much better it’s not even close, at least Josh Allen targets his RBs a lot, oh wait. Rachaad White is going to lose his job to a UDFA and I’m going to be laughing all the way to the bank about it. Not to mention how awful this entire offense is going to be with Baker under center. Jaylen Warren and Tyler Allgeier would be acceptable picks, at best, if they were handcuffs. I’m just putting Jeff Wilson in here because he went from no injury designation to be possibly being out for the year and I think thats just so funny.
one eyed wiw
Unfortunately for Miles Sanders, and this fantasy team, he went to CAR and they traded away every good weapon besides him. I have hope but I’m not holding my breath. I would love Terry if he didn’t have a nagging injury that I’m afraid lowers his value too much to be a 5th rounder. I hope it’s not an issue but I’m not taking that risk when Dotson is an ascending player. Engram before Pitts and Kittle is insanity, seek help. Zeke will be lucky to startable at all this season, sure he could vulture but don’t count on getting the week right unless you want to suffer.
Etienne Orbach
Burrow is pushing my limits for how high I would take a QB but he seems to be good to go after the injury and is the 2nd best QB in the league so whatever. You got lucky this time. You better hope Geno is as good as promised ,for DK’s sake, otherwise your stuck with Geno Smith at QB with JSN and Lockett stealing targets and a good defense that will lead SEA to run the ball more. Montgomery will not be competing for much after they took Gibbs 12th overall thats just not how contemporary NFL teams work, he may get some TDs but good luck predicting which weeks that will be. Brian Robinson is the second best RB on the team. Sell high after they dominate the Cardinals if you want to even come out even on the draft capital spent. Dalton Schutlz is a waste of a draft pick and as a backup it’s an even worse choice.
Pizza
Kupp is a bust already, even in the third round. You’ll be lucky if he doesn’t miss 4 weeks without even going on the PUP, which is worse since you can’t put him on the IR. Then you follow it up 2 rounds later with Taylor. Better hope you can sneak into the playoffs because your first 2 out of 5 picks arn’t playing for a while (if ever this season). Probably should have followed it up with positions others than QB and TE considering the holes in the starting lineup. If Juju couldn’t do it with Mahomes he can’t do it with Mac Jones. I want to be high on Toney but you’re more likely to end up with a bunch of 0s than 10+ point games. Shoulda tried to land Kamara to complete the 3 headed injured/suspended great players dragon.
Pop, Lockett, Drop it
Hope Kelce doens’t play this week and if he’s active you’ll either start him and he’ll go 2/23/0 or you sit him and he goes 8/107/2. These are the only options. But hey man this is a good draft, except for the awful no good downright dumbfuck picks in the middle of the draft. Connor is on the worst team in the NFL that is hemorrhaging good OL talent to tank for Caleb Williams who might stay in school another year. Pacheco is a hell of a runner, love that dawg in him but he’s going to be in a very obvious split (or 1/3) backfield that makes pick 66 way too rich for me. Tell me you didn’t watch any Allan Lazard last year without telling me. He was downright awful and will be outscored by Randall Cobb and Mecole Hardman this year lmao. Jameson Williams is on the cusp of not being worth a draft spot but him and a kicker back to back just hurts my soul. Shame.
Picks I actually like
Marianne Williamsons, Hwoman
- Breece, Pitts, Jefferson
Waddle baby Waddle baby Waddle baby Waddle
Most of this draft :(
Da Blochinators
- Waddle, Evans, Kamara, Burks, Richardson
Rum Ham
- Tyreek, Kirk
Zombie Jonathans
- Nick Chubb, Waller, Lawrence, Flowers
Seto Kaiba
- Bijan, Olave, Rhamondre, JSN, Charbonnet, QJ, Roschon, Mims
Behind the Steel Curtain
- ARSB, Higgins, Aiyuk, Gibson, Tua, Bigsby, Van, Spears
Uncle Murda
- Derrick Henry, Kittle, Penny, Brown
Jon Cole’s Holes
- Saquon, Andrews, Pittman, Sutton, Gallup
one eyed wiw
- Jacobs, Cooper, Swift, Meyers
Etienne Orbach
- Najee, Dotson, Thomas, Bateman, Love, CEH, Baby Gronk
Pizza
- Diggs, Mixon, Dobbins, Herbert, Dillion, Miller, Woods, Slayton
Pop, Lockett, Drop it
- Kelce, Gibbs, Ridley, Addison, Harris, Knox